Chocolate-Cherry-Peach-Crumble-Ripple-Chunk-Slow-Whip Ice Cream: A Lament

The younger generation may get tired of hearing 'when I was a kid' laments, but jeez Louise, could we please have some simple straight forward purchasing opportunities.

I didn't walk miles to school through the snow and ice. Although since virtually everyone took the city bus to and from school through our high school years, walking home was a treat not a punishment. Kind of like playing hooky.

And I've never begrudged the fact that pants overcame the "dresses and skirt whose hem touched the floor while kneeling" school wear of my generation. In fact, leading the move to pantsuits and then slacks and even jeans was a pleasure in which I indulged with both pride and practicality.

I even used to teach a class called Managing Change.

However, mistaking complexity for progress is driving me into that crazy old woman category.

When was the last time you tried to buy simple ice cream. Vanilla, chocolate or - yum - fudge ripple? If you look on the bottom shelf in the far corner you might spot as close it comes vanilla bean, or double custard vanilla, double dutch chocolate or chocolate, caramel ripple. But you better have good eyes and supple bending power.

Otherwise, it's row upon row of triple, quadruple, quintuple flavor, fruit, nut combos with names that never come close to revealing the contents. Contents may (or may not) be listed in tiny, beyond bifocal print on the wet, leaky edge of the carton.

Of course, you may also choose between, iced, yogurted, churned, slow-churned, hand packed, natural, organic, fat-free, sugar-free and possibly all chemical, although it would be hard to tell the last one from some of the others.

Each holiday adds a new special edition, as if missing the opportunity to expand the combinations might bring about the demise of the industry.

Not to mention the bars, sandwiches, rockets, mini-bars, singles, doubles and a true plethora of sizes, shapes and colors, mostly multi, that constitute the rest of the frozen dessert aisle.

Do folks today really need multiple, high stimulation tastes to enjoy ice cream? Simple, clear flavor and clean quality is all that it takes to please my taste buds. If I ever eat bear claws or moose tracks, I hope I'm winning the Iditarod.