"WHEN I PRONOUCE THE WORD FUTURE, THE FIRST SYLLABLE ALREADY BELONGS TO THE PAST"

NOTE: I wrote this post in January 2021. While I'm not sure why I did not publish it then - probably thought I had more to say - when I came back today to re-re-start this blog, it seemed complete. And the video still moves me to tears.

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“When I pronounce the word Future,
the first syllable already belongs to the past."   Wisława Szymborska

Three days ago I turned 73. The future was on my mind as it has been a lot as the days of my life pass. I'll write about it I thought. What do I have left to experience? What has to be, regretfully, left off the list of my future? Can I change that future and, if so, how?

That's as far as I got. Certainly not enough to (re)start my blog. I wanted to look forward. And I really wanted to create distance from the pain and pandemic of 2020.

Then I discovered a beautiful video For The Sake of Old Times (1504.co/for-the-sake-of-old-times) and, as in life, my past and my future seemed equally compelling - even 2020. In the discovery was the knowledge that my future was about the sum of my past, what I could manage to control in the present and what choices I needed to make so that the rest of my life matched my dreams.

TRUMP...THE MOST USED PRESIDENT

Donald Trump, after only five days, is proving to be the most used US President ever.

Far from being a purposeful and decisive President, Trump has spent his first days doing the bidding of those corporations and wealthy men who recognize a stooge when they see one.

Yes, Trump has been busy. But does anyone really believe that this man of exhibition rather than substance is researching, discussing, consulting, debating or thinking long and hard on the issues on which he has taken action? Of course not. What matters to Trump the appearance not the actuality.

The issues facing Americans are complex and nuanced. Trump is not.

Yet already, in the first five days, without plans to deal with the consequences, he has approved two pipelines long the subject of controversy, required government employees to withhold necessary environmental and agricultural information from the public, begun the process of wiping out health care for millions, agreed to bring back torture, withdrawn from trade agreements with our allies, threatened to take another country's oil by force even if it starts a war, began moving an embassy which also may start a war and, well, the list goes on.

Each of these actions is worthy of the most serious scrutiny a leader and his/her advisers can give to the decision making process. None of these actions was anything more than theater for Trump.

Donald Trump is an empty vessel into which those with money and power, including at least one foreign leader, are pouring their directives and Trump plays puppet.

DEAR DONALD...ABOUT THE FIRST AMENDMENT

 Dear Donald,

I'd like to talk to you about the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States. The one you are about to swear to uphold. You have been around in our country seventy years and have been quoted as saying, "I was a great student. I was good at everything." So let's just call this emphasis learning.

Of course, I'm sure you know what the First Amendment says, but to review:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

The First Amendment is really pretty simple and very straightforward, but again, to review; let's take it one issue at a time.

In our United States there shall be no law about who or how you worship or even if you worship at all. Free exercise. For all. Regardless of belief. Seems obvious and, dare I say, inclusive. And, because we are a nation of immigrants, we have a lot of religions; too many to even name them all.   In fact, Founding Father and President Thomas Jefferson emphasized this tenet when he said, "I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between church and State." Let's call if personal. Our beliefs are personal and should stay that way.

And freedom of speech and press cannot be abridged. Abridged, that is curtailed, lessened, reduced, restricted. Each of us (including Broadway actors) may give our opinions freely. And the press is not only free to cover, investigate and report anything; our very democracy depends on the information they report. I can't stop them. You can't stop them. And if you try, we will know for sure that you are trying to destroy our country, because our very survival depends on the free flow of information we can get only from an active and unafraid press.

And here's the real kicker for you. You are a public official. So anybody can say anything about you and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. You better buck up buttercup. For a preview of what is in store please review the talk (including your own), letters, signs, effigys and often screams directed at President Obama. You didn't hear any whining from him so we will expect you to be at least as presidential.

Lastly, there is the right to peacefully assemble (parade, walk, march) and petition (protest, advocate). This is the way we use our free speech collectively. Sometimes it is hard to hear a voice when it is lost in millions of separate voices. But when those million voices speak as one, oh boy, that is powerful. Just like the Founding Fathers intended. If you've read Alexander Hamilton (Ron Chernow), you really understand how important this right and the others in the First Amendment are to the bedrock belief upon which our country stands. Or see the Broadway show, although since they are sold out for the next two years you might have to appeal to their clear sense of good citizenship to see it soon.

There you have it. The FIRST Amendment. The reason we have been able to take the diverse group of immigrants we all are and make a country. The UNITED States of America. If there hadn't been anyone to unite we could have just called ourselves, oh I don't know, the Confederated Tribes of Natives.

Now that you have reviewed the First Amendment of the Constitution, I expect you will want to revise your Twitter strategy. As President sworn to uphold the constitution you will want to model the appropriate behavior...just like President Obama did when confronted with speech or press that was hurtful or with which he disagreed. Let's try that here shall we?

Your Tweet:
"The cast and producers of Hamilton, which I hear is highly overrated, should immediately apologize to Mike Pence for their terrible behavior."

Revised in light of your presidential leadership recognizing the First Amendment:
"The cast and producers of Hamilton exercised their  First Amendment right to free speech tonight in a heartfelt message to Mike Pence."

Your Tweet:
"The Theater must always be a safe and special place. The cast of Hamilton was very rude last night to a very good man, Mike Pence. Apologize!"

 Revised in light of your presidential leadership recognizing the First Amendment:
"Glad the Theater is a safe place to exercise the free speech we all recognize. Keep it up!"

Your Tweet:
"Our wonderful future V.P. Mike Pence was harassed last night at the theater by the cast of Hamilton, cameras blazing.This should not happen!"

 Revised in light of your presidential leadership recognizing the First Amendment:
"Future V.P. Pence grateful to be publicly recognized & honored with cordial and sincere information on the people's concerns. Good  ideas!"

Thanks for your attention. I'll be happy to share my thoughts about our great, shared country anytime.

Sincerely,
Marcia Banta
U.S. Citizen

I was a great student. I was good at everything.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/d/donaldtrum733749.html

I was a great student. I was good at everything.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/d/donald_trump_7.html

I was a great student. I was good at everything.
Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/d/donald_trump_7.html

COLD ANGER

It's time for Cold Anger and a lot less Hot Anger.

Hot Anger is, well, hot. Flammable. Easily co-opted by others for their own causes. Even turned against us. Hot Anger is directed at a target we cannot obtain. It's the easy joining of friends to parade our anger when we feel helpless. The destruction of what is in our path because the real cause of our anger is beyond our reach.

Trump is President-elect. Barring jail, while possible since he is in court for both fraud and rape, his taking office is immutable. Spending time trying to undo over two centuries of the peaceful transfer of power will only lead to failure. Or perhaps lead to the destruction of the country we want so desperately to save from what will certainly be a cruel and chaotic four years.

Cold Anger is that roiling in the pit of our stomach, present constantly and not allayed since November 8th. Cold Anger tells us we must act. Cold Anger is sustainable. Cold Anger looks at the situation, parses it for possible alternatives, organizes like minded others and takes targeted action. Cold Anger changes what it sees in front of it, one task at a time. Cold Anger parades only for a specific, attainable objective.

Right now we are in that restless grief that knows there is a next step, but cannot see that step clearly. I am there too.

Here is what I will do first. I will commit myself to helping others stay safe. This is on me. I can choose to do this without permission or agreement from others

I will speak up. I will speak against racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, and every other act that threatens another citizen based on their race, country of birth, color, religion, sexual preference or gender identity. I will act to stop any of the above, right there, as it is happening. Verbal or physical. If I need more training to understand how to intervene effectively, I'll get that training.

I will have this conversation and encourage others to have this conversation with friends, neighbors, book clubs, bowling leagues, golf games, card games, potlucks, dinner parties, social media, any gathering of people who care about America. I will be insistently polite, but I will not be afraid; I will not be silenced.

Second, I will pay attention. I will know what is happening and know the facts. I will understand the options for alternatives when I disagree. I will not hide in everyday life. I will not retreat just because I am not the first affected, the first to be attacked, the first to lose my American rights or benefits. I will not bury my head until it is my ox being gored.

Third, I will constantly be on the lookout for those who believe as I do, for allies. While I can do much as an individual, we are not just stronger together, we are more effective at producing change together. And I will not just look at traditional allies. As the Trump Presidency proceeds, more and more of his supporters will understand the con for which they fell. It is not too soon to begin talking and gathering strength.

I will not wait for a "leader". I will gather real people, join our minds and hearts and trust that leadership will emerge; whether sooner or later.

All of the above is a big ask. Consult the pit of your stomach to know if it is worth the effort.

THE CAT WITH NO NAME

It was a cold and rainy morning as I fought melancholy with purposeful action; heading for groceries for a post funeral gathering tomorrow. A block from home, under a neighbors street parked car appeared to be a small animal. Turning my car around and parking behind their car, I coaxed from underneath a tiny, wet, bedraggled kitten. Really tiny.

No near neighbors claimed her or knew of a local mama cat, so wrapped in a towel one of them generously donated, off we went back to my house for reinforcements from my husband and then to the veterinarian we use for our own cats.

As she warmed in my arms her tiny mewl came infrequently but surely, her coat dried and smoothed out and she slept.

But her rough start was to get worse and our dark day, darker. Only weeks old, she had a respiratory infection. Her eyes were not clear. Her snuggles were likely really lethargy.

And there was no room at the inn. Isolation at our vet was full. We drove from place to place with despair, the cat with no name snug in my arms. All the other clinics either did not have isolation or were full.  We have no isolation area in our home and two elderly cats - one blind and one deaf - who would, and should not be asked to, risk a sick stray. Local Helping Hands foster homes were overflowing even if they would take a sick kitten. The local Animal Shelter, who makes every attempt to be low kill, has no isolation room and does put down sick animals.

So with tears flowing we took her to one of the vets to be put to sleep. A cat with no name.

My head knows that this was the right decision; knows that with out us she would have crawled into a soggy corner and died a miserable death; knows that her two hours of warmth, love and cuddles, her death in caring arms was the only possible choice.

My heart knows only sorrow. Sorrow that this living animal was put out, dropped off as unwanted or merely neglected. Sorrow that whatever love and joy she would have brought to our world is lost forever. Sorrow, tinged with a bit of anger, that her mother wasn't spayed.

I'm asking Khayyam, Nastasha, Toughie, Sandro, Orca, Scooter and their big doggie sister Seamus to watch for her. They can call her Angel.

PINKWASHING JUST BECAME PERSONAL....AGAIN

This lovely lady, mother, grandmother and friend died this morning of metastatic breast cancer. Welcome to October. But I won't be writing a tribute. As much as that is deserved; others will be writing about her love, her cheerfulness through every hurdle and the deep mourning she leaves behind.

I am writing to YOU. About the irony of losing Diane Wright True as we begin the yearly October Pinkwashing. About the other friends I've lost to metastatic breast cancer. About how wrong we get the fight against this ugly disease. This disease isn't pink. This disease isn't sexy. This disease kills.

We KNOW this. We are AWARE already. We do not need education, we need a CURE. Or at least a control that works for life with a chronic disease.

So, yes. Through my tears, I am yelling, screaming, pleading.

Please do not buy one more pink spatula, pink bag of candy, pink socks or anything pink whose profit does not go directly, let me repeat directly - not through the hands of a for-profit company, to finding a cure. While I have no problem with companies contributing to research, they don't need your sale to do this...and many don't actually even contribute when you "buy pink". Don't drink the pink Kool-Aid.

Want to really help?
Want to really honor Diane? Or any other loved one lost? Or those fighting right now?

Contribute directly to those who make a difference and where your ENTIRE contribution goes to research. Here are two.

Metavivor "METAvivor appreciates your donation and honors your generosity by ensuring that 100% of your donation goes toward supporting grants for metastatic breast cancer research."

Stand Up To Cancer "Stand Up To Cancer is a groundbreaking initiative created to accelerate innovative cancer research that will get new therapies to patients quickly and save lives now. 100% of your donation received by SU2C will support Stand Up To Cancer’s collaborative cancer research programs."

So maybe you can tell. I'm heartbroken and angry. Racheal and Kaylee and Emily and Hayden deserved so much more time with Diane. Just like thousands of others we have lost; their mothers, grandmothers, sisters, daughters and granddaughters deserve a cure in any color and without having to "buy pink" for it.

NEVER FORGET...AND OTHER LESSONS OF 9-11

Yes, I remember where I was when I heard. On the West coast we were just waking up and I was showering with the radio on. By the time I was out of the shower racing for the television, the second plane had hit. By the time I reached my office, we all knew that the television, not work, would hold our attention all that day.

Everyone has singular and personal recollections of 9-11 and the days after. I watched TV endlessly at work and at home. I missed a staff meeting because we couldn't fly. With my husband, we spent the second week on a long planned trip for our anniversary/his birthday in the back-country, out of contact with most of the world. It was both harrowing and soothing.

I was in a high school chemistry class when John Kennedy was shot. On 9-11, I knew immediately that this event would join that day as one never forgotten; one about which would endlessly be asked, "Where were you?".

And the shared feelings, the togetherness in chaos, although now trashed and wasted forever, were some of the deepest and most patriotic I've felt.

Each year we are asked to remember, to "never forget". But what exactly are we asked to remember? What lessons have we actually learned?

On each 9-11 since 2001, in my small pocket of America, the local emergency responders of our two cities, two counties and two states gather in one corner of the territory and parade throughout the towns with their engines, cars, and ambulances dressed in flags; ending with a ceremony in a local park. It's lovely and moving. Emergency responders were hard hit on 9-11 (373 firefighters, 72 law enforcement) and their brother and sisters in service remember them gravely. Citizens line the roads for miles and wave flags. For at least one day, our gratitude to those who risk their lives running toward danger, rather than away, is on display.

Other towns have other traditions. For one small moment in time each year, we attempt to recapture the unity we felt in the aftermath of 9-11.

For those in the United States, it often seems a uniquely American tragedy. Yet, ninety countries lost citizens in the attack. Ninety countries.

And once the focus turned from the victims and our continuing strength as a nation; two competing lessons emerged. The facts of 9-11 underlined our diverse nation and shared sorrow. The list of victims reads like a who's who of nationalities and immigrants. Even today, looking at survivors is a lesson in the multiplicity of people and circumstances involved in American life, represented by one small microcosm in two buildings in one city, the Pentagon and four planes.  Our huddled masses were a world in two towers. Lesson number one of 9-11; we are one made of many.

This insight was followed closely in the American psyche by the militaristic and bellicose calls for retribution and revenge. Those calls are alive and well today although the perpetrators died in the crashes, Al Qaeda has been decimated and Osama Bin Ladin was killed by our military. We cannot seem to let go of our need to punish. Having defeated the immediate causes of our grief and anger, we have broadened our attacks to all those who look like, sound like and share a religion with nineteen fanatics and their leader. We conveniently forget lesson number one and focus on lesson number two: our fear outweighs freedom, welcome and constitutional protections for those unlike us in color, ethnicity or religion.

I know I am not the only one who wishes we had not turned 9-11 into just a day. The events and aftermath of 9-11 had the power to transform us more broadly. It was an opportunity missed. Genuine as our feelings of sadness over the loss of life, our true compassion for the survivors and our wish for 9-11 to positively alter the course of American history; we only appear to be able to achieve those worthy goals on one day a year. We are reminded but not transformed.